Moving On

I have been wanting to write a blog post for a good week now, but I can't seem to get my thoughts to still enough to do it. I am going to try anyway tonight. After my last blog post, I'm just not sure what to follow up with. It doesn't feel right to jump right back into the health talk, so I will speak personally one more time.

Friday was my dad's memorial service. I had a tough time leading up to it. He died two weeks ago. The first week all I wanted to do was sleep. The second week, I had two jobs to help out with the service: make a video of photos and make the program. Going through pictures was freakin' hard. On the days I spent time looking through pictures I found myself flipping out about some small annoyance later in the day and bursting into tears. That was a lot of fun for everybody else in the house. My husband does all the video making, so eventually I had to just hand it over to him.

The hardest part about the photos for me was seeing the change. There were pictures of my dad when he was young and reckless, leading up to him settling down and being a family man, to him getting older, and then a sudden shift to after his stroke. That shift was the hardest to see. You could see it coming in some ways in the photos, just that his health was fading. He had diabetes and high blood pressure that were poorly managed. But nothing prepares you for a stroke. You never know what the result will be. For those who don't know, my dad ended up paralyzed on his left side and in a wheelchair. He had a lot of ups and downs, battling multiple illnesses and infections along with his loss of function.

Back to the memorial service. It was very nice, and a lot of people came and paid their respects. I thought having it would give some kind of closure, but I don't know if you can really get closure on losing your dad. I am trying to take the event as a point in time to say that it's time to keep moving forward. My husband has a lot of interviews this week, and I was bumped up to the next rank in my health and fitness business. So we're keeping busy and looking forward to having new opportunities. But in the quiet moments, I still sit back and just remember.